I Don’t Like Bitches Who Don’t Like Other Bitches: but I do love a subliminal menu #MKR

mkr4I don’t like bitches that don’t like other bitches. There I said it. And yes, I am aware of the irony of that statement. Katie and Nikki on My Kitchen Rules drive me nuts. Yes, I’m now a bitch bitching about a couple of bitches, I get it. But seriously, this whole, “There can be only one all girl team,” shite they keep peddling is getting right up my nose. This isn’t Mean Girls ladies, it’s more like Highlander, “There can be only one!” Only one team will be left standing at the end. This isn’t a girl on girl cat fight at some jelly wrestling event, it’s full on kitchen warfare. You are competing against everyone, boys, girls, boys and girls, not just other women. So here’s a little tip from Aunty Robin, other women are not your enemy, and when you make them so, you only put yourself behind. Whilst other women are out competing to be their best, you’re back there tearing down other women, and then after that, need to go compete with the menfolk. Stop wasting your time trying to tear other women down who are also fighting the good fight and concentrate on building yourself up.

I think you get the idea, I don’t like the butchers from NSW, however, bravo on the menu choice. You had me rolling. Nikki and Katie have said all along that they’re the “hot ones.” They constantly draw attention to their appearance, and clearly think all men just drool at their feet, so I do admire them working their menu to highlight what they perceive as their strengths. “Hmmmm, we’re not necessarily great in the kitchen, but we are great looking, so we can probably get the men’s vote if we get them thinking with their dicks and not their stomachs… what to do, what to do… Oh, light bulb!” And so they serve up, sausage (no explanation needed), spatchCOCK (I believe the capitals serve as explanation), and a deconstructed extra tart tart (both lemon and raspberry are quite tart, and their deconstructed tart looked messy, which represented them, two messy tarts). And it worked! They got two 7’s from Colin. He gave the sausage a 3, obviously it made him feel a little inadequate, but after that he was loving it. I seriously cannot wait to see their next menu. Good work on playing to what you perceive as your strengths Nikki and Katie, but please, put a mute on sledging the sisterhood. Never forget what the Spice Girl’s taught us, GIRL POWER!

– by Aunty Robin

“I’m not interested in competing with anyone. I hope we all make it.” Erica Cook

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Are French the Greatest Lovers? #MKR

mkr

I am about to commit racial profiling suicide and say that out of the three judges on My Kitchen Rules I would not choose the Frenchman to sleep with. WTF???? I hear women the world over cry in horror. But the French are supposed to be the best lovers! Have you lost your tiny mind? And although I understand all this, I still would not choose Manu to be my lover. So that leaves Paleo Pete or Crazy Colin. Spoilers, I’d choose Colin. Don’t worry, I’m now going to explain why.

Since Pete Evans has started his Paleo ways he is looking smoking hot. His skin is glowing, his body has trimmed down, and he looks damn fine in his suit. All true. Pete is no longer that slightly pudgy guy that you would have picked last for your team. He’s captain material, cute captain material. Colin, well… he needs a bit of a shower and some deportment lessons. I’d still choose him. Pete would be waking me up at 6am the morning after coitus, bouncing on his toes and demanding a brisk 5km run followed by lunges… and then I couldn’t even have toast afterwards! No thank you.

Now Colin is a man who likes wine and ice cream and despite his slightly greasy visage there is something quite alluring about him. I can’t quite put my finger on it, although I would very much like to, but he has something. It might be those smoldering eyes, that cocky half smile, or the way he moves almost snake like from side to side, or something less tangible. Whatever IT is, he’s got IT. Heck when you think of Johnny Depp he’s kind of lanky, gaunt faced and greasy too, but by Zeus I’d like to rock his world. So I’m team Colin all the way!

Whose team are you on?

– By Aunty Robin

Looks like even Manu chooses Colin.

Looks like even Manu chooses Colin.